One Year Ago

One of the most difficult days of my life happened one year ago (April 25/26). I received a phone call that my friend Amanda had entered the hospital with pregnancy complications and would be there for awhile. I dropped everything and went to the hospital to visit her in the afternoon. I tried to be upbeat and encouraging and truly had hope that she would spend the remainder of her pregnancy on bedrest. It sounds weird to hope for bedrest, but the alternative was not even a remote possibility in my mind. I left a little before 3 o'clock in the afternoon to pick my kids up from school. Approximately 30 minutes after I left, her water broke and Zachary's entrance into this world was imminent. At 22 weeks gestation, we all knew what this meant. They were told that he would be dead before he was born. Later that night, my friend Amy and I went to the hospital to lend support during this horrible tragedy that was scheduled to be a momentous happy occasion only 18 weeks later. Amy and I were able to love on Amanda & James during labor and left the room for the delivery. The waiting was horrible and sad. Very sad. There are no words to describe the sadness. When we entered the room and met Zachary for the first time, we learned that he was born alive and his short little life lasted only minutes, not hours. We tried to comfort our dear sweet friends as much as possible and helped them remember Zachary's life by taking photos. We were there as they tied the tiny little gown on his body and as James & Amanda wept over him. That was the most heartwrenching, difficult thing I have ever been through. When you love your friends, you grieve with them. As difficult as the experience was for me, I cannot even begin to fathom how difficult it was for them. I had not carried this baby in my tummy. I had not painted rooms and bought baby clothes. I had not prepared a place in my heart and my home for his little life. I had not planned for his future. Amanda and James did. And now, he was gone. I have been in awe of their strength through trials and their honesty about their struggles over the past year. They are my heroes. I'm grateful that I was able to meet Zachary. Even though his life was way too short, his life touched mine in so many ways. I cannot wait to meet you again in heaven someday, Zachary. You are loved & missed.