Breakdown

This morning, I had a breakdown. A big one. And in the most inconvenient of locations. I went into my boss' office to have a budget meeting. All of the pent-up emotions brought me to the breaking point. I think all she said was that she was having a bad morning. I commiserated with her and when she asked why - with absolutely no warning... the dam broke. Breakdown. I'm grateful that the office door was closed, so the only person to witness my embarrassing mess of a self was a most compassionate, Christian woman that I call my boss. She allowed me to blubber all over her conference table, gave me a hug and prayed with me. PRAYED WITH ME. I'm so grateful to work in an environment where prayer is acceptable (and actually practiced!). Thank you, Momma Goose.

My grandma is dying.

Grandma (my dad's mom) has had Pulmonary Fibrosis for a couple of years now.

What is Pulmonary Fibrosis? (from: http://www.pulmonaryfibrosis.org/)
Pulmonary Fibrosis involves scarring of the lung. Gradually, the air sacs of the lungs become replaced by fibrotic tissue. When the scar forms, the tissue becomes thicker causing an irreversible loss of the tissue’s ability to transfer oxygen into the bloodstream.

Basically, your lung capacity lessens until you suffocate. Not a fun disease. When I last saw my Grandma, she was on oxygen nearly all of the time. She could remove it for a few minutes at a time, but not too long. That was 17 months ago. Unfortunately, we live about 12 hours apart, so visiting often is not an option. Here's a photo of the last time we were together.

Normally, I'm fairly good about sending updated photos to our grandparents. However, I have been slacking this year. I realized that I hadn't sent any photos recently, so I created a photo book on Snapfish for Grandma. I know that she hasn't been doing well lately, so I thought it might cheer her up to see pics of her great-grandsons. Plus, I wanted to remind her of how much we love her. Well, the photo book took forever to get printed and I've been getting updates from my parents frequently... Grandma has taken another turn for the worse. It looks like it will be days or weeks, not months before she passes on. The photo book finally arrived on Saturday and this morning before I went to work, I was preparing to mail it. Well, you can't just stick a photo book into an envelope... you've got to write a note to go with it.

Have you ever written a letter to someone knowing that it may not arrive in time? Or knowing that the letter will most likely be the last time that person hears from you before they die? That was the hardest letter I have ever had to write. What do you say to someone who may only have days to live? How can you say all of the things you ever wanted to tell them in one short, handwritten letter? What do you say to someone who has no hope? Can you impact eternity with a stroke of a pen?

I don't know where Grandma is going when she dies. She has been a Catholic all of her life. Yet, I don't know if she has ever accepted Jesus Christ as her personal Lord and Savior. My parents, brothers & I have prayed for her salvation for years and years... I know that where Grandma is going for eternity is between her & God. I just hope and pray that I will see her in heaven someday.

“What oxygen is to the lungs, such is hope to the
meaning of life.”- Emil Brunner

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for

and certain of what we do not see."

Hebrews 11:1